


My Life is a Nightmare, Yours is a Masterpiece

by orphan_account



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Biting, Blood, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 11:50:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7713835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon is convinced that Baz has been using his evil vampire powers to seduce him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Life is a Nightmare, Yours is a Masterpiece

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is just a silly little story that has been sitting in my google docs for ages. Apologies if you find any major mistakes!
> 
> If you like it, please let me know. I had fun writing it and I hope you have fun reading it \o/ Enjoy!

**SIMON**

Penelope pulled Simon behind a teetering stack of books. It was dim in the library, and the suspended candles above them cast a sinister shadow over her face.

She looked at her feet, and then at him.

“What is it?” Simon whispered. The atmosphere was unpleasantly solemn, and it somehow made him feel even more unrefined than usual. He straightened his spine and made the conscious decision to breathe through his nose. Much better.

“Simon, do you think, maybe…” She turned her eyes towards the ceiling. (Simon always imagined the inside of her head was like a pinball machine. Every time the pinballs bounced from one spot to another, a new light went off in her brain.)

But for once, Penelope Bunce was at a loss for words. Simon would have teased her for it had she not looked so… flustered. He was beginning to think something was seriously wrong. Or, more wrong than he had previously thought.

“Simon, do you think, maybe that bit was just you?”

“Which bit?”

She sighed. “The bit about you being attracted to Baz?”

Simon scoffed, and then blushed. They had been discussing The Incident, and of course Penny had to go and make it weird. Weirder. “But you remember what I told you. That feeling he gave me. That thrill that made me feel like I was.-- I dunno know-- high or something. That bit wasn’t normal. He made me feel that against my will. He manipulated me to do… stuff.”

Simon hadn’t yet told Penny all the gory details. Some things were kept private, even between them. And anyways, she probably wouldn’t want to hear about what he and Baz had gotten up to. It made even Simon blush, and he had been there-- a culprit in the crime that was his hormones and… It was all Baz’s fault, basically. Simon would have never done anything if Baz hadn’t been using his evil vampire powers of seduction.

Penny sighed again and let Simon lead them back to their table. The rest of the evening was spent studying, and when Simon kicked open the door to his room later that night, Baz was nowhere to be seen.

**BAZ**

The catacombs were cold this time of year-- not that Baz noticed. He was always cold. Except for that one time, when he wasn’t. He remembers that time in vivid detail. The way if you look at a fire for too long, it’s all you can see when you blink. That’s what drinking Simon Snow’s blood was like. Every time Baz blinked, he was back in that moment. Warm-- no, burning really. It was like drinking liquid fire. And as everyone always liked to remind him, Baz was especially flammable.

But now the fire was lit and it was burning down everything in it’s path.

**SIMON**

It was too cold in the room, but Simon didn’t want to leave his bed just to close the window. Besides, the fresh air was nice. He wondered if Baz was off feeding. If rat’s blood would be enough after they… After he…

Simon didn’t like to think about that night. It made his skin feel itchy and he felt that thrill rush through him again. It seemed like whatever Baz had done to him was taking a long time to wear off. Penelope assured him it would-- wear off, that is. And then she mumbled something about a honeymoon stage and Simon assumed she was talking about Micah.

It must have been hard, being so far away from the one you loved. Simon can’t imagine anything more painful. Being close to your loved ones was the best thing, he thought. Not that he had much experience. Maybe it was actually really, really awful. Maybe being close to the one you loved most hurt more than anything. He wouldn’t know.

When Simon woke the next morning, the window was shut and the room was empty. The bathroom was still emitting cedar scented steam, and so he skipped his shower. As long as he put on a clean uniform, no one would be able to tell, anyways.

Penny was sitting at their table, already set with two overflowing plates when he arrived. Simon dug in before even saying hello.

“Your hair is especially eccentric today,” she commented, taking a sip of her tomato juice. It was blood red and oozing down the sides of its glass. Simon cleared his throat.

“I didn’t have time to wash it today. Is it sticking up?” He tugged on the front of his fringe before pressing it against his forehead. He shrugged and shoved a forkful of eggs into his mouth.

“So. How did last night go?” Penny asked.

“Normally. Baz was gone when I fell asleep and gone when I woke up.” Simon surveyed the other tables, but Baz was yet again nowhere to be seen. It was in his best interest, Simon thought. Baz was probably afraid of what Simon would do to him. Simon’d probably break his nose. Again.

It wasn’t until Political Science that Baz finally showed his face again. He looked awful: bags under his eyes and a sickly sheen covering his pale skin. Simon still thought he was pretty good looking, even when sick. He was still evil, though. And… some people might think that made Baz even more attractive. But not Simon. Obviously.

Simon was good. Baz was bad. Simon was alive. Baz was… something else.

He had looked pretty alive that day, though. The Incident. Flushed head to toe, heart beating something fierce. Simon remembers Baz seeming more than alive that day.

Sometimes Simon wondered if Baz thought about it. He wondered if Baz remembered what he said to Simon. But of course, he didn’t like to think about it.

Baz. Who was currently sitting two seats behind Simon and staring daggers into the back of his head. How awkward. Simon shifted, catching a glance of Baz from the corner of his eye. Yep. Daggers.

After class, Baz grabbed Simon’s wrist to stop him from leaving, dropping it just as quickly, shaking his hand like he’d been burned.

“Wait, Snow.”

Simon leaned against his desk and waited.

“I want to... “ Baz took a shuddering breath and closed his eyes. He seemed to sway forward for a moment and Simon leaned harder against the desk. “Will you meet me again?” he asked, opening his eyes.

Simon gulped. Baz watched his throat bob.

“Uhh… Sure.” Simon said, eyes flicking to Baz’s mouth. Baz smiled.

**PENELOPE**

“The bastard did it again!” Simon yelled out in frustration.

All this eye rolling was giving Penelope a headache.

“What did he do? Slip you some roofies? Cast a spell?”

“No!” Simon yelled. Penny massaged her temples. “He just asked.”

Simon said this so solemnly that Penelope laughed. And kept laughing until Simon kicked her out of his room.

“Sorry, sorry,” She apologized, wiping tears from her eyes, and then called “I’ll talk to you later!” through Simon’s door, running down the stairs like she was flying.

Boys could be so stupid sometimes. Anyone with eyes could see Simon had a crush. It was just… the object of his affections that was throwing him for a loop.

It made sense that Simon questioned his feelings, after all. He and Baz had tried to off each other multiple times previously. And then Simon discovered Baz’s secret and all hell broke loose. This year, though. This year things changed. Baz could hardly stand to be in the same room as Simon. He always made excuses to leave when Simon was there, and so Simon would seek out Penelope to bother instead.

It was for the best, she thought. And after a while, Penelope realized Simon’s whining over Baz meant that the idiot actually missed his roommate. The distance made them less volatile.

_Baz this, Baz that. Why is Baz ignoring me, why won’t Baz look at me? Blah blah blah._

Somewhere along the line, she assumed, Baz finally approached Simon. Or rather, Simon probably confronted Baz, in a fit of anger and passion and… one thing led to another? Penelope didn’t know all the dirty details. But she’s sure the details are _very_ dirty.

Simon claims Baz forced him to offer up his blood. Penelope’s first question was: “Well did he ask before he stuck you with his fangs?”

Simon had blushed. “Er, yeah?”

“And did you say no?”

“No, but he was using his vampire powers! To make me do it! I wouldn’t have wanted to otherwise.” Simon frowned, looking off into the distance. “The point is, he tricked me.”

Concerned for her friend, Penelope had gone directly to the source. Well, the other half of the source. She cast a forbidden truth spell on Baz and made him spill all the beans.

“Did you force Simon to give you his blood?” She demanded, standing over Baz’s desk in his dorm.

Immediately, he answered. “No. How did you get in here?”

“I’m the one asking the questions here!”

“Right. Ask away, then,” Baz smirked and sat back, crossing one leg over the other. His stance said, _give me your best shot, Bunce_.

“Was it consensual?” She asked, thanking her dark skin for hiding her blush.

“Yes. I would never force Simon to do something he doesn’t want to.”

Penelope frowned. “Okay… Well what if he said he wanted it, but really didn’t?”

Baz mirrored her expression, and then laughed. “Bunce, did he even tell you what happened that night?”

She shook her head.

“Snow made the first move on me.”

**BAZ**

Snakes alive! Snow was actually telling people Baz was some kind of criminal? This is how that night really happened:

Baz was about to enter their room after a tryst in the catacombs, when he realized Snow was still awake. His heartbeat was different, faster, uneven. Baz smelled the idiot before he even saw him. Maple syrup and bacon and blood.

Snow’s blood always smelled slightly burnt. Like leaves burning in the fall. But more… human. To other people, it would probably be kind of unpleasant. Baz wasn’t other people. The vampire side of him, his bloodlusting side, found Simon Snow’s blood very pleasant smelling. Too pleasant. Especially ever since they hit puberty.

Baz had been doing really well. He stayed away from Snow as much as possible and only trusted himself to be around the other boy when he was asleep, because Baz could never hurt Snow while he was sleeping. He looked too innocent. And young. Like the boy Baz met, in first year alll golden curls and glowing skin, like the sun had kissed him.

Baz was jealous of the sun. Plus, he burned easily, which was either because he was a vampire or because he just had sensitive skin. Anyways.

Baz opened the door and Simon was sitting up in his bed, eyes wide and on Baz’s figure in the doorway.

“Christ, you scared me,” he muttered with a hand over his heart. Snow only swore like a Normal when he was startled or for dramatic effect and judging by his racing heart, Baz assumed the former.

“Sorry, I thought you’d be asleep.”

“Where are you coming from?”

Baz lifted an eyebrow. “Out.”

“Were you feeding?”

“Crowley, Snow. What do you think?” Baz could feel his cheeks flushing. He shouldn’t have had so much to drink, but it’d been getting harder and harder to sleep next to a living, breathing Simon. Baz’s marks were slipping because he could hardly stay awake in class.

Snow picked at the blankets beneath him. “I feel like I haven’t seen you all term…”

Was that… Was Snow being bashful?

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Baz asked flatly, to counteract the flutter of hope inside of him. Snow wouldn’t… he didn’t even like boys. He just missed having someone to fight with. Right?

“I guess.” Simon shrugged.

“Right.” Baz stepped towards the bathroom. Simon got off his bed. “What are you--?”

“Can I try something?” Simon asked quickly, coming to stand in front of Baz. His eyes were fixated somewhere near Baz’s chin.

“I’m not your experiment,” Baz said, thinking Simon wanted to test out another spell on him. But, last time, Snow hadn’t asked for permission. Maybe he wanted to experiment in… other ways. “But I can help you test out a few theories?”

Simon nodded and stepped closer.

“You want this, Snow?”

It was meant to be an actual question, but sounded more like a challenge. _Then come and get it._

**SIMON**

Okay, so maybe Baz never forced Simon to do anything. But he had an unfair advantage. He just made Simon… want to do things… things he’d never done before, or even thought about doing realistically. Baz made Simon want to throw caution to the wind.

His evil vampire powers of seduction were probably just Simon’s own hormones mucking things up. What happened to Baz being a villainous git? When did he start making Simon’s heart flutter and his morals swoon?

Baz was still dangerous, but this time it wasn’t even his fault.

Simon kissed him first.

Well, Simon didn’t mean to kiss Baz first, of course. He had simply wanted to see if Baz would take the bait and close the distance between them. Simon had been having his suspicions over Baz’s sexuality for a while, and if Simon was a bit curious, too, who could blame him?

So when Baz hesitated, Simon stepped up and finished it. That’s all it was supposed to be.

And then their lips touched. There were sparks and, oddly enough, blood.

“Ouch?” Simon had mumbled between fervent, but innocent kisses. Baz had him pressed against his bedpost and was feeling him up everywhere. A hand caressed the small of his back and Simon shivered. “Baz, what--?” his lip was stinging and when he opened his mouth he tasted blood-- and Baz. Baz’s tongue was tracing Simon’s lower lip and he suckled on it with a groan.

Pulling back and pressing their foreheads together, Baz whispered, “Simon, don’t-- don’t panic. I think I bit your lip.”

Simon sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and a drop of blood seeped into his mouth. Baz looked at him and groaned. He shoved at Simon’s shoulders until he fell onto the bed.

Simon flopped back messily and Baz stood over him, taking in the sight of his hair messy hair and his flushed face. Simon imagined he looked stupid, but Baz seemed to like the way he looked, so he tilted his head back and swallowed. “Bite me, Baz.”

Baz’s mouth dropped open, revealing sharp incisors. He must have still been in vampire mode, Simon thought, realizing how his lip had gotten cut. Baz really did bite him.

“Simon, you know I can’t…” Baz crawled forward, hovering over him like a dream, just out of reach but so close. Simon wanted Baz more than he’d ever wanted anything. The realization was easier to accept than he thought it would be.

“You already have, Baz. C’mon, do it. I want you to.” Simon was seconds away from begging. A thrill ran through him at the thought.

Baz sighed, hanging his head so a curtain of black hair covered his face. A strand tickled Simon on the chin and he smiled. “If it gets to be too much--”

“I’ll tell you, I promise.” Simons grin widened when Baz peeked up, but then the boy was burying his nose in Simon’s neck, inhaling softly and making Simon shiver.

“You have no idea how good you smell,” Baz rasped against Simon’s warm skin. “I can hardly sleep at night, knowing you’re right there and alive and--” Baz cut off abruptly and Simon stroked his open palm down his back. “You’re amazing, Simon Snow.”

“I know,” Simon said, smirking when he felt Baz smile against his neck. Sharp teeth grazed his flesh and he moaned.

“I’m going to bite you now,” Baz said and his teeth sunk into Simon's neck.

Simon practically howled. The sensation was unlike anything he’d ever experienced before, neither bad nor especially good-- and yet Simon still felt pleasure spike in his veins as Baz suckled on his skin, tongue swiping out every few seconds, making Simon whimper pathetically.

Baz was straddling Simon’s hips, and if he kept up with the tongue thing, he was going to find out just how much Simon liked it.

“Baz,” he gasped out, grabbing the other boy’s shoulder. “Can you--”

Baz detached himself from Simon with a slurping sound and wiped the back of his hand over his mouth. It came away bloody. Simon watched as Baz licked the skin clean, tongue lapping up every last drop of Simon’s blood.

“Fuck, Baz. Kiss me,” Simon moaned, pulling Baz down into a biting, bloody kiss.

**BAZ**

The next morning, Baz had woken up in Simon’s bed. Said boy had his head tucked into Baz’s neck and a leg swung over his hip, snoring softly. Feeling better rested than he had all year, Baz carefully detached himself from Simon and creeped into the bathroom.

Simon wanted him. Now Baz knew, he felt lighter. He realized he was happy. His face was glowing when he looked in the mirror, cheeks still flushed from the night before, but quickly fading. He knew it had to be a one time thing-- Simon was stubborn. He didn’t think things through. Baz knew these things, and yet a flutter of hope still coursed through him.

Last night, Simon had wanted him. It was enough, Baz told himself. It was enough.

Throughout the week, however, Baz’s patience was tested. He could smell Simon from a mile away, the blood in his system making his senses hyper aware of the other boy. It made concentrating in class a nightmare. Baz was so turned on he couldn’t even think straight.

By the end of the third day, Baz was feeling depleted of all energy and he trudged to Political Science in a daze. He’d made himself scarce since The Incident, but he had an assignment due and he needed to get a decent mark on it, as the professor was going to fail him otherwise.

Baz tried to sit as far away from Simon as possible, but the idiot wouldn’t stop turning around and looking at him when he thought Baz wasn’t paying attention. Baz glared at the back of Simon’s head and tried to breath through his mouth. It didn’t work, the bastard was still everywhere. In his brain, his lungs, his veins.

Simon Snow had infiltrated Baz’s entire being and Baz still wasn’t satisfied. When the lesson ended, Simon loitered around his desk until Baz approached him.

He began to walk away when he saw Baz. “Wait, Snow,” Baz grabbed his wrist, but dropped it just as quickly. Simon’s skin was warm and inviting and Baz couldn’t-- not yet.

Simon slouched against his desk and looked Baz up and down. “I want to…” Baz leaned forward and breathed in Simon’s scent. Burning leaves, maple syrup, blood. His eyes closed against his own volition. “Will you meet me again?”

Simon inhaled a shuddering breath, and Baz opened his eyes. Simon was looking at him, but looked away quickly when their eyes met. His cheeks were flushed and Baz could tell his heart was racing. Simon licked his lips, eyes glancing down to Baz’s lips.

“Uhh… sure,” he replied, and Baz smiled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
